If you’re looking for answers, everyone knows the place to get them is the barbershop.

That’s how things have been for generations, and that’s how they’ll be in the future.

However, this method of solving problems has one small drawback — namely that sometimes it seems barbershop answers can create more problems!

And even worse, sometimes we find there’s no answer at all.

Still, the barbershop always is there and will always kick these subjects around, because that’s what people do when they’re getting a trim (and you can interpret that any way you like).

Take the conversation that took place on my last visit.

Go ahead, take it. Nobody who was there knows what to do with it.

Things started innocently enough when the discussion of pharmaceutical commercials on television started.

Consensus was that, with all the dire side effects given (which they are required by law to tell us), it’s a wonder people will take those drugs in the first place!

One claims “benefits outweigh the risks.” Well, I should hope so!

Of course, we realized there may be nothing else that is effective for particular afflictions, but we also wondered why something which has such serious side effects would be allowed on the marketplace.

None of us knows for sure, but today’s discussion panel it looks like the drug companies need to recover their research costs while they research some more, looking for improvements.

Let’s hope so.

And let’s hope they find a way to make those fancy remedies less expensive.

One was cited that cost eighty bucks for 1.5 milliliters, which is less than a quarter teaspoon of eyedrops!

There are other medications that are even more expensive, but the point had been made, and no one had a solution.

And everyone had some fun when the topic of those “enhancement” prescriptions came up, but there’s a time and place for everything, and this isn’t the time, and it certainly isn’t the place, so we’ll just find something else to mess around with.

Of course, we’re still stumbling around in our search for answers, but today, this may be an impossible dream, since we are, after all at the barbershop, and there’s not a single rocket scientist or brain surgeon in this group, so we moved on to other unexplained things.

And believe me, there’s plenty of fodder for these particular cannons.

So-o-o-o we blundered on, right into the search for UFOs, which seems like a monumental waste of time to most of us, since fifty years after the search began, no one has ever touched one, no one has ever found an undeniable piece of one, no one has even come up with a verified picture of one — which, as was pointed out, is why we call them “unidentified”.

And when you look at all those reports, you find that the only logical reason for suspecting that UFOs come from other planets is the remark that “I’ve never seen anything like in on earth, so it must be from another planet,” which is a pretty long leap of faith, besides not being logical at all!

So it remains “unidentified” —unexplained — right where it should be.

When all is said and done (which it never is, at a barbershop), today’s session seemed to boil down to the fact that no matter what you want to talk about, the barbershop is the place to do it, because the half-baked members of our society are just loaded with stuff we can’t explain, including lights in the night sky, to mutilated cattle, to crop circles, to nuclear fusion, and to — well, whatever.

And what about all those folks who show up on talk shows, describing their interplanetary abductions?

Yeah, they sound pretty much half-baked, too.

Logically enough, we kept right on going with our illogical chit-chat, and arrived at discussing another popular subject, Yeti, The Abominable Snowman, or Sasquatch.

Is he (she) real? Can you positively identify it from that one short piece of fuzzy film? Are those footprints or just dents in the ground? Are those screech owls, catamounts and other animals in the night, augmented by someone’s imagination?

Who knows? Not the scientists, not the professional woodsmen, not the UFO trackers and certainly not the crowd at the barbershop.

But it’s time to return to reality since my haircut is now finished.

We’d had some fun, we’d settled nothing (which is normal enough for barbershop conversations), and I had decided what I’d do if people got too serious about these things.

Without telling a soul where I am, I’m gonna move into the wildest part of the country, live off the land, and wait until someone mistakes me for Sasquatch.

And then I’ll laugh and laugh and laugh, and say “Gotcha!”.

Maybe I should wait until April 1.

Mike Morton writes each Wednesday for the Kansan. He can be reached at m4r4f4m4@hotmail.com. Mike’s book, “On The Loose Collection, Volume One,” is on sale in Newton at the Kansan, 121 W. Sixth St.; and Anderson’s Book and Office Supply, 627 N. Main St.