Newton Kansan
Do I believe in UFOs? Of course I do — as long as we stick with the literal definition.
In the strict sense of the term, UFOs are unidentified flying objects, and I’m willing to let it go at that. Unidentified — unknown — Flying — moving, and up in the air — Objects — things which we can’t accurately describe or specify precisely. And that will have to do until much more proof turns up. No otherworldly connections, no alien beings, no advanced science. Nothing. Just UFOs. Until we have physical proof of spaceships, until we can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt UFOs truly come from somewhere else than our planet, I’ll just keep watching what’s going on from the sidelines. At the very least, it’s entertaining. I can’t help but get amused when another “expert” comes out of the bushes and describes himself as a “ufologist.” In the first place, adding the “ologist” suffix is, at the very least, misleading. Why? Because an “ology” is defined as “a school of thought,” and there are no schools teaching that “ology.” And I bet all the legitimate “ologists” who worked so hard to attain that degree of expertise in their legitimate academic fields resent those upstarts who decided to anoint themselves with a fancy title just because they are interested in something for which there is no hard proof — UFOs. (One self-proclaimed ufologist who figures prominently in the television series, turns out to be the owner/publisher of a UFO magazine, which immediately made him suspect. After all, his magazine depends upon UFO existence, and here he was, helping his own cause and selling more magazines by purporting to be an expert on UFOs on television!) Outside of word of mouth, we have no physical proof that they exist. No footprints, no wreckage, no bodies, except those which mysteriously “disappeared” or are being hidden by “the government.” Theories, yes; proof, no. The ufologists neatly explain the lack of proof by blaming “them” for a coverup in the interests of national security, or some other such vague excuse. And “them” is usually ‘the government’ or some other super-secret organization that is concealing things from people who don’t need to know these things. How convenient! Photographs? Oh yes. There are plenty of those, including lots and lots of things obviously or not-so-obviously suspended from strings, flattened or scorched “landing sites,” and whatnot, but — putting the blatant fakes aside — why are the photos so fuzzy? Can’t the photographers focus? Why can’t people hold a camera steady enough to produce clear pictures? And why do those who see them think they have to be some sort of intelligent life from another planet? Have they been watching too many movies? Are they smoking some of that “funny stuff”? I need answers. How did these alleged aliens get here? Why aren’t they communicating with us? And here’s the question that appeals to me the most: If they’re clever enough to master interstellar or intergalactic travel, why are they bothering with us beginners, who in these days of our own advanced knowledge will have to take something like seven years to reach our nearest planet? If aliens even exist, are we too dumb for them to waste their time on us? Probably. Personally, I’d love to see at least one UFO, but the only time I thought I was even coming close was late one very dark night, when I was driving along a lonely stretch of road. Suddenly I was aware of three mysterious small lights appearing almost at the top left hand corner of the windshield, looking as if they were traveling alongside my car, but off in the distance, and at about a 30 degree angle above. I watched them as best I could for at least two minutes, and when they didn’t disappear, I finally pulled off to the side of the road to get a better look. After a minute or so, I realized that when I moved my head, the lights moved, and when I held still, so did the lights; two medium-sized reds and above them, one slightly larger white one. There was no blinking or flashing, and no shimmering. Just three distinct lights that I couldn’t explain. I looked around, trying to pick up some clues, but that didn’t help. There were plenty of stars visible, but these three didn’t look like stars, or planets, or anything else that should be in the sky. Now they weren’t moving at all, so that eliminated airplanes of any kind, and I simply couldn’t come up with a solution, so I decided to experiment a little. Without moving my head, I raised my arm and moved it around, and the lights disappeared! Move my arm again, and they’re ba-a-a-ack! Twilight Zone? Spooky? Nope. They turned out to be the reflection of my own dashboard lights, blocked when I moved my arm. At the proper angle, the lights reflected off my rear window, off my side window, and appeared at the top of my windshield, and when I dimmed the dashboard lights, the UFOs disappeared, too. Close, but no cigar. Not even an alien. Mike Morton writes each Wednesday for the Kansan. He can be reached at m4r4f4m4@hotmail.com. Mike’s book, “On The Loose Collection, Volume One,” is on sale in Newton at the Kansan, 121 W. Sixth St.; Anderson’s Book and Office Supply, 627 N. Main St.; and Morse Studio, 715 N. Plum St.
