Newton Kansan
Since you obviously have some time on your hands, have mastered the art of reading, and apparently were rash enough to decide upon this as your target, today, I’m going to take full advantage of this lapse in judgment and clear off most of those things that have been hanging around because I just didn’t know what to do with them.
You know, those items that rolled into the dark dusty corners of my desk and didn’t come to light until it was time for the annual spring cleaning. Along the way, we will attempt to increase our general knowledge, but what you do with it next is entirely up to you. Frankly, we’re just glad to have it off our hands. • For example, are you aware that Moscow is closer to Washington, D.C., than Honolulu? • And, did you know that the English sparrow is not a sparrow? It’s not English, either. It originated in Africa. • You know, (at least, now you do) in India, playing cards are round, which explains why they’re so lousy at playing poker. They can’t mark the cards by bending the corners. • If it really matters to anyone except the guy who sells them, the right rear tire on your car will wear out before the others. Figure it out; drivers turn left more often than right, making the tire farthest from the center of your turn travel farther. (Yeah. It’s easier when you already know the answer.) • Disneyworld in Florida is larger than Buffalo, N.Y.. But Buffalo is less expensive. • In 1915, the average income for an American family was $687 a year — which, these days, will just about get the average American family around the block for hamburgers and a shake. (After World War II, this figure had risen to $1,070, which today will get you around TWO blocks.) • Did you know that mosquitoes have 47 teeth? (Seems to me that one is enough.) • The first American car race was held in Chicago in 1895. When the dust cleared, the winner’s fastest speed was determined to be 7.5 mph. • I was astonished to learn recently that ducks can get the flu. (Hint: You don’t wanna stand too close when they sneeze.) • Do you know which letter of the alphabet is the oldest? O. (Yeah. That was my reaction, too.) • If you’ve been wondering how many breaths the average human takes in a year, don’t bother counting; it’s already been done. The total comes in at about 10 million — give or take a hiccup or two. • The country with the world’s lowest birth rate is — are you ready for this? — The Vatican. No real surprise there, but I bet that, like me, you’d forgotten that The Vatican is a country. • Any history buff can tell you that George Washington slept in about one tenth of the places making that claim, but do they know how many times Abraham Lincoln actually slept in the Lincoln Bedroom? Of course not, because he never did. • Just in case anyone ever asks you, tell them that yes, there is an official definition of a “jiffy.” It’s one one-hundredth of a second. • In 1764, Saint Andrews golf course in Scotland was the first to have 18 holes. Then, as today, it is regarded as possibly the world’s toughest course to play. • In Italy, James Bond is known as “Mr. Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang.” • In 1934, at the age of five, Shirley Temple was awarded an honorary Oscar. (I believe they no longer have the category of “cute.”) • The German language has about 185,000 words; the French only about 100,000. English has over 250,000, and counting. • When does “ancient” begin? Officially, it has to be before A. D. 476. (What an odd number!) And what comes next? Medieval. • Are you aware that your big toes have been, in a manner of speaking, shortchanged? They have two bones, while the others have three. • Here’s one that’s a little surprising. If laid end to end, the blood vessels in your body would circle the equator three times! (For this one, there is no need to say, “Don’t try this at home.”) • And one that doesn’t surprise any of us skeptics. Washington, D. C. has more psychiatrists per capita than any other city in the country. • Did you know that sheep snore? (So that’s what’s been keeping me awake!) • And just in case you’re beginning to think that there’s no end to this stuff (and you’re right, but I have to stop now and catch up on my nap time), we offer this final, but humbling fact. Human beings have 46 chromosomes. Goldfish have 96. And now that we’re all a little smarter I will take my leave for now. Or maybe the phrase ‘sadder but wiser’ is more appropriate. Either way, my mission remains; to bring knowledge to the unenlightened. One of these days, I’m gonna get around to it. In the meantime, this will have to do. Mike Morton writes each Wednesday for the Kansan. He can be reached at m4r4f4m4@hotmail.com. Mike’s book, “On The Loose Collection, Volume One,” is on sale in Newton at the Kansan, 121 W. Sixth St.; Anderson’s Book and Office Supply, 627 N. Main St.; and Morse Studio, 715 N. Plum St.
