MORTON: Catching up on current events

think I’ve been getting some sub-par electricity.

Or maybe it’s just lumps or something.

Whatever the cause, it’s annoying when the power fails — even when the weather is acting up.

And it happens often enough that I should be getting used to it, if it weren’t so inconvenient.

When the power drops out, everything comes to a halt, including clocks, television sets and, of course air conditioning, and that’s not good, because, as Murphy’s Law states, it will happen when you need them the most.

There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason, either, because, while the power seems to fail most often during an electrical storm (which seems to be normal enough with this particular power company), you can never be sure, as, clear out of left field on a beautiful, comfortably cool (non-air conditioned) day without a cloud in the sky — Oops! There she goes again!

No reason.

Just felt like it, I guess.

And there’s never a hint from the company as to why it happens.

Not even a “sorry about that.”

Taking all this into consideration, we get the impression that the existing system is barely adequate to handle everyday requirements, and when that electrical storm shows up, the power may fail or it may not, so you’re left guessing, and hoping that it doesn’t happen this time.

Then, just when things seem to be calming down, pop!

We’re left in the dark again.

Powerless.

One gets a mental image of three or four gerbils in treadmills, running, running, running, trying to keep up with our demands on the system, but always generating not quite enough electricity to prevent an outage every now and then — always unexpected, always inconvenient.

And always without any explanation, then or now.

It happens often enough that I’m beginning to think that “my” gerbil — the one who’s operating the treadmill powering my area — is either goofing off, is overworked, or is sick, because my area seems to be subject to more power failures than others, since as I’m helplessly standing there in the dark, I can see streetlamps and house lights just a block or so away.

I also can hear the hum of air conditioning in those stores and houses, and that doesn’t help either!

Meanwhile, the temperature rises, I trip over things in the dark while I’m trying to find my flashlight, and I wait for heaven knows how long for the power to come back on.

Of course, there’s never any warning. One moment, there we are, just going along, minding our own business and not doing anything unusual, and then WHAM!

Out of the blue, everything stops; sometimes for just a moment (which is just long enough to require that you reset all your clocks and electronic equipment), sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes an hour, sometimes maybe two, and occasionally even longer.

Now you have to go around the house checking your clocks and timers, televisions and microwaves, resetting those which stopped (they don’t always stop, but you have to check them all anyway), and then double-checking, just to be sure you haven’t missed one.

‘Tain’t funny, McGee.

Then, when the monthly bill for their services arrives, it includes a brochure with the cheerful observations about “dependable” electricity – and just happens to mention that the rates have been raised again!

Hey, guys.

Maybe you hadn’t noticed, but your power is not all that dependable.

How would you like it if we turned the tables?

What if we pulled the plug on you?

After all, when someone is doing a poor job, you fire them, right?

Then we could hire another power company.

If there was one.

P.S. I take back that apology.

Mike Morton writes each week for the Kansan. He can be reached at m4r4f4m4@hotmail.com. Mike’s book, “On The Loose Collection, Volume One,” is on sale in Newton at the Kansan, 121 W. Sixth St.; and Anderson’s Book and Office Supply, 627 N. Main St.