There seems to be a new fad these days of sharing your awkward moments. I suspect however this is just a more hip term for embarrassing moments. Awkward, however is probably more apt to happen when there is moment of uncomfortableness that is neither embarrassing, but not pleasant either. Sometimes I feel like awkward should the theme of my life. Do they give awards for professional "awkward momenters" ? One of my friend's favorite saying's is "its only awkward if you make it awkward". There is truth to these words. Really there is no need to go over the top in feeling awkward about something. Now when you accidentally walk into the wrong funeral viewing that would be a classic example of awkwardness. On the other hand if you walk up in front a group of people with your zipper accidentally open there is a slight possibility that you could pretend that you didn't feel awkward.
Could you please tell me how to do that? Mixing up names has to be at the top of the list for awkward moments. I still feel sorry for the poor salesman who was desperately trying to sell my parents something, but kept calling my mother several different names. If I can remember a name I do good and if I say the right name I've done really good.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like to not feel awkward. To always be put together and say eloquent things. To be able to peaceably settle situations and to not have a damaging affect on people's emotions. To never have minor wardrobe malfunctions and to always remember to take my hair rollers out of my hair. Boy what a nice serene life. Really though where is the fun in not having awkward moments? Seriously the best blog material is written from awkward moments. I will persevere in my awkward moments if only for the personal amusement of my readers.
Your welcome.
Mother’s day. It’s a wonderful day of flowers, cards, gifts, and happy family events. For so many women and even men though it’s not a wonderful day. There are the women whose arms ache to hold their own baby. One happy dream of holding a baby has turned into a nightmare of desperately trying to bring a child into the world. The holiday designated for mothers alone does nothing, but rub salt into a wound of hurt and pain.
It’s hard even to write down memories of my own mother. Everywhere men and women alike have memories of their mother that they wish they could erase. Words said and actions done by their mother do not paint a happy image in their mind, but instead one of bitterness and hurt. These wounded people do not find joy in Mother’s day, but only see it as a painful reminder of what they could have had.
There are those who mourn on mother’s day. In mourning because of a loss of mother taken too prematurely. Some mourn babies who were never held, but slipped away before breath could be taken on this earth.
This is why I fear to write about for holiday. Retail loves these days as people flock to buy, gifts, food, cards, anything for their mother. What is a trip to the store like for those who wish to shun mother’s day? Everywhere there are reminders that for so many people this is a special day and those who hurt must simply join in the fun as if there is nothing to feel sorry about. I remember those people and wonder what their pain must be like. I’m asking you too to consider those who might have hurt this past mother’s day. I hope you cheered up the special woman in your life, but did you also take a moment to encourage someone hurting?
So remember not only to take joy in special days, but also remember to be considerate of those around us whose pain we may not know. Behind every face there is a story that might never have been told. Consider the untold stories when you look at someone and serve them with compassion. Life feels beautiful for some and ugly for others. Be the person that makes a moment beautiful for those who find life to be ugly.
Its safe to say that we all find our identity in our mothers. Lets face the truth if it weren't for our mothers none of us would be here.
I found my identity in my mother when I was little and clung to her side. I was safe and secure beside the woman whose identity I knew so well.
I am a completely separate person from my mother, but my identity comes from her. The way I look, talk, think, act and so forth all of my identity comes from my mother. Of course there was the other half too that obviously came from my father.
Even when I was too embarrassed to identify with my mother. She was still my identity even as I tried to shy away from her.
As an adult you think you are going to make your own way in the world, but you never are far from the identity of your mother. You will make decisions like she does and will handle situations like she does. The saying is true "you are your mother's daughter".
I'm grateful I can identify with a woman of honor and strength. It's like being proud of your country. I am proud of my mother. And just like you would proudly wave American flag I want to proudly display my mother's identity as my own. This is the identity that without even trying I will pass on some day if I am blessed with my own children. The identity is more than DNA it is patterns of behavior that cannot be changed. Because no matter how different we may be there is still a lot of her that makes my identity. This identity I will carry with me for the rest of my life, because there is no getting away from the woman who brought you into the world. Honestly I'm perfectly content to keep this identity.
The words were clear and full of triumph and it was my cue to walk across the stage and get my diploma. Three years of work rewarded in a piece of paper with four important signatures on it. I had waited for that moment for a long time. A very long time and had anticipated the moment with very much excitement. In the few days leading up to graduation I slept little and found myself in a jungle of emotions.
I packed my far too many earthly treasures into storage totes and realized that I was student life in the dorm was over. My friends and I went for walks and out to coffee. Partying like there was no tomorrow; because there wasn’t I was saying goodbye to friends not knowing if I would ever see them again on this earth. In the middle of packing, saying goodbyes, and entertaining my family the thought was ever present in my mind that I was graduating from college.
Excitement flowed in my veins and tears flowed from my eyes from the sheer overwhelming thought of finally being done. I lived in a near constant state of giddiness and the few hours of sleep that I was getting after twelve each night helped little. When the big day finally came suddenly it seemed there was no time or that I was incapable of doing anything. My friend ironed my graduation gown and another friend tamed my mess of hair into something presentable for all the pictures. There was a frenzy of getting ready, posing for pictures, finally getting to see my big brother, and then the music was playing and we were seated in the theater seats with nothing left to do, but enjoy graduation. Blessedly the speeches flew by and I’m not sure I ever want to forget the words so carefully chosen to challenge our class.
In a few short moments our class went from being students to alumni of the school. We stood in the receiving line and accepted congratulations from people we had never met and shook the sweaty hands of too many people. Finally us as classmates congratulated one another. There were hugs, tears, and high fives for everyone. I’m not sure there are really words to describe the feeling of accomplishment we had. All I can really tell you that graduation day has been of the best days ever for me, but no I’m not planning on going to college all over again just so I can graduate.
It’s here the very last full week of school. Five days and four finals and then all there is to do is breeze through the last couple of days. The week already seems to promise late nights and intake of far too much coffee. I am a college student after all, so I really wouldn’t want to act any less of one even though it could require me sacrificing my sanity. When the end is finally here I think it will be very much worth it. Thankfully the end is very rapidly approaching.
We already have received our graduation gowns in the mail. I was very relieved to find that mine zipped up; because I really wasn’t sure there would be enough room for me that tent like garment. Ahem. I really would like to get my hands on the person who had the bright idea to invent those lovely gowns. They certainly do nothing for your figure. The hats as interesting as they are do look actually give the outfit a bit of 3-D dimension which draws the attention away from the big blob of blue underneath the hat.
When I find myself emotionally drained this week from too much studying I will the think of the “moment”. The moment of walking a across the stage and receive the fruits of all of my late nights. I will hold my head high and pretend that I do not look like a walking piece of ocean. I will try to get over the phobia of getting lost in the vastness of my gown. No, I probably won’t throw my hat since I really don’t want to reveal the cloud of frizz that the hat will be blessedly hiding.
Grad is coming and yes I may complain, but in truth I’m glad its just finally so close. Probably on the day of will be more concerned about keeping away the tears and posing for several hundred pictures.
I think it’s going to be a good day.
Just like always the weekend had sped by too fast and Monday morning was looming all too closely on the horizon. Time to get back to homework and classes. Back to the world of stress and the sometimes mundane chore of schoolwork. Except it wasn't the end of an ordinary weekend. It was the end of the last weekend.
No more weekends left to ambitiously plan to get homework done and then almost every time fail dreadfully and get nothing done. No more weekends to randomly walk about the town friends. No more Sunday nights of furiously trying to get homework done that could have been done on Friday.
It was Sunday night and graduation was 6 days away. The last day of classes was 3 days away.
I thought about this in the blessed quietness of the storage room. Wedged between totes filled with an exorbitant amount of earthly belongings I realized the week I had looked forward to for so long was finally here.
It's the week where I will get to see my family after 4 very long months. It's the week where the seniors will party every day.
It's the week I will walk across a stage and get a diploma. A piece of paper with my name in big bold letters. As if I could have accomplished any of my schoolwork by my own merit.
I'm weak. I can't grasp concepts quickly. I learned to read finally after my mother threw phonics out the window. I barely passed Algebra. I couldn't diagram a sentence if my life depended on it.
By the grace of God I had the courage to come to college. By the grace of God I stayed at college. Only by the grace of God will I graduate from college in just a few days.
Grace.
A photo from the wedding ...
Please tell me how to say goodbye. How to tell the friends that know you inside and out both but still love you like anything. How do you say goodbye?
How do you say good bye to the people that have seen you at your worst. When you were stressed over a test and just couldn't hold the tension in any longer. The people who see you get ridiculously giggly over nothing.
The people who know instantly that your day isn't going right and really care enough to want to fix it.
The people who share the strangest memories with you of things that would make others roll their eyes.
The people who love you anyway even though they know the good, the bad, and the ugly about you.
I’ve lived with these people day and night for several years. They know I can be a bit slow in the mornings and can get really giddy at night. They know I love dark chocolate and green salads. They know I don’t like heights as much as I don’t like talking in class.
Tell me how do you say good bye to the friends who have you cry, laugh, get silly, and on a rare occasion be normal?
Let me tell you something. You don't say goodbye. You say see you later. It's true you could possible never see a friend again on earth, but you will see them in heaven.
In 20 days I'm going to leave more friends than I ever have before and it’s going to hurt, but I will not say good bye. I will say see you later and look forward with hope to the day of no more separations.
College may be awesome, but I think the goodbye may be a little too excruciating. I’m glad though I can say good bye. Because if I didn’t have these amazing friendships there would be any sad goodbyes.
One year ago I fled school for my big brother's wedding. It was one of the happiest events of my life and here are the thoughts I wrote down of that day.
The long anticipated wedding is over and no I do not have pictures because my silly camera is giving up the ghost. Pictures are very necessary and wonderful but they could not capture the small moments that were only noticed if you were looking the right way at the right moment.
The little nieces and nephews were of course without question the cutest members of the wedding party. Several times before the wedding they hurried away from their gleeful play frightened they were missing the wedding. They were reassured to see the bride still waiting and of course the little children were smart enough to know the wedding would not start without the bride.
There is photographic proof of the bridesmaids and bride clasping hands moments before the wedding in prayer together. You cannot hear the bride praying personally for each of her bridesmaids or you cannot feel the hands held tight in nervousness.
Pictures we are grateful are not scratch and sniff for if they were they might smell of salty potato chips and turkey sandwiches hastily eaten between photo shoots.
Speaking of food there was the bossy little sister who attempted to stuff some food down the groom's throat because of his lack of breakfast. Of course though little sisters are never listened too. I'm not sure who would even try to make them listen. Ahem.
It is rumored that because girls bathroom was overflowing with girls doing hair and make up the men's bathroom was made use of. I'm afraid I'm not denying anything. I will say that the female members of the wedding party and bride were a bit late getting ready, but well if you hurry a girl in getting ready nobody is going to be happy...
We have yet to know if all 34 members of our family managed to hold their eyes open during the group photo. However the photographer did manage to capture forever the faces of two screaming nieces.
Did pictures capture the tears that slipped out of the bridesmaids' eyes at the sight of the radiant bride walking down the aisle on her father's arm? It is rumored the groom himself had tear filled eyes as he saw his bride approaching.
The wedding was beautiful, the music was beautiful, the bride was beautiful, the groom was well... not beautiful, but very handsome.
And when it was all over and I was alone I cried out of sheer happiness, because sometimes you have to do that.
Sometimes I think the only reason people like it when I play sports is for their personal amusement.
Sometimes I think I have been in a class too long when scenes from class start appearing in my dream in a very bad way.
Sometimes I have to resist the temptation to throw my phone against the wall after yet another frustrating conversation about my life plans.
Sometimes when you say something class you just have to understand that you will probably will say the wrong thing and probably will get embarrassed.
Sometimes you’re the only one who remembers it was dress up like a piece of fruit night for TREK and sometimes you just have to be thankful you opted to not dress up. Thankfully then avoiding the distinction of being the only oversized pear running around.
Sometimes it’s better to risk having the bad breath that coffee gives rather than falling asleep in in class.
Sometimes you just have to have senior moments and deal with the repercussions later.
Sometimes when you’re sitting at the table and someone makes a slightly awkward statement about newlyweds all you can do is giggle.
Sometimes you can put that paper on hold to go and have some Subway with friends. After all the paper isn’t due tomorrow, so really I’m not procrastinating.
Sometimes you have to go to bed in the same day that you get up in for the sake of good grades.
Sometime when you miss your family like nothing else the only thing you can do is look at pictures.
Sometimes when you finally finish that very last paper of your student career you have to scream.
Sometimes when the reality hits that you finally after many hours of study and many moments of stress at last nearing graduation, you just have to cry out of sheer relief.
Sometimes you need to stop and record the life moments before they are forgotten forever.
