Why is life full of questions? (There goes another one.)
Because without answers, most of us would be pretty darn confused, and no matter how many answers you get, there’s always another question — big or small — on the horizon.
No 1: When fixing a cup of hot chocolate, why do those mini-marshmallows seem to explode when I add them to the hot water?
Mystery solved. It’s because I was doing it backwards. When I checked the package, I found it clearly states that you should add hot water to the mix, not add the mix to the hot water — and it works.
No. 2: Why do the gas pumps at various service — excuse me — gas stations operate differently?
At one, you have to push the ‘cash’ button, push the “pay inside” button, then select the grade of gas before you can pump, while at others, you just select the gas and pump away, and at yet another variation of this irritating theme, we can’t do anything until we go inside, leave a wad of cash as ransom, then go back to the pump and do what the pump tells us. When we’ve filled up, then we have to make a second trip inside to pick up what’s left of the ransom, if any.
Gas is gas, and pumps are pumps. Why so complicated? They’re all selling the same stuff, so why can’t they all do it the same way – the easy way?
Annoying.
N0. 3: And what about that deposit you are required to leave, which has to be estimated, yet more than the cost of the overpriced gas you need?
Obviously, they don’t trust us, but I have news for them.
While the sellers apparently don’t trust us not to drive off without paying, that makes us even — not with the local, but farther back up the line, with the gasoline company. I haven’t trusted them since the yoyo price fluctuations started, way back in the 1970’s.
So we’re even,
And when we come right down to it, if I were granted one wish, it would be for a cheap, cheap, cheap – and stably priced - alternative to gasoline.
Even if the line were a long one, it’d be worth the wait.
No. 4: They’re doing it again – or should I say still?
The cosmetics industry is forever trying to convince consumers that smearing fruits or vegetables on your skin is supposed to be healthful.
Remember coconut oil? Lanolin? Royal jelly? Aloes? Lemons? – Without even a smidgen of proof.
This time around, everyone is supposed to go ga-ga over pomegranates, described in those smarmy-gushy commercials as “Pomwonderful” — a word that’s just plain silly; and just an excuse for pitching yet another fruit or vegetable as an ingredient for cosmetics
Pomegranates have been around since before biblical times!
What took those clever advertising guys so long?
Will the next candidate be zucchini? Brussels sprouts?
If ever there were an advertising term that deserves to die, it would be “Pomwonderful” — but I’m not betting on it.
N0. 5: Guys just don’t get it.
Why do women take so much care and spend so much time and money to make their hair look as though they did nothing to it?
Why pay a hairdresser to tousle your hair? Guys get the same effect by driving down the street with their heads out the window — or by giving each other ‘noogies’.
Further, why fuss for what seems like hours to get your hair looking ‘just so’, and then dangle one or two “stray” strands in front of your face?
Are you hiding a zit, or something? Are you shy?
Or did someone tell you that those loose strands or this little head toss give you that ‘devil may care’ look that Cosmo is babbling about?
It doesn’t, you know. It’s just distracting.
If you’d neatly comb it back, or bobby pin it or something, then you wouldn’t have to keep doing that oh-too-cute little head toss to keep your hair out of your eyes, which would mean you won’t get a headache or a pain in the neck from ‘tossing’.
Sorry, I don’t happen to have any aspirin handy, but have you considered that aspirin wouldn’t be necessary if you didn’t affect that cutesy-poo little ‘toss’?
Oh, well. It keeps the hairdresser in business — and the chiropractor.
And he makes no bones about being paid to help you.
(I couldn’t resist that one.)

 Mike Morton writes each week for the Kansan. He can be reached at m24r24fm8445@att.net. Mike’s book, “On The Loose Collection, Volume One,” is on sale in Newton at the Kansan, 121 W. Sixth St.; and Anderson Book and Office Supply, 627 N. Main St.